Lovers or Friends

About Ms. Nish

This blog is for the average woman. The everyday woman. The budget friendly woman. The woman who can only spare 40 minutes to get herself ready in the morning. The working woman. The vivacious woman. The woman who wants to be healthy, confident, and beautiful. 

Being young, single, successful, and a black female is hard honey! I never thought it would come to this. I want to share my experiences with you all and get feedback from both men and women.

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Lovers or Friends?

In the words of Usher, Lil John, and Ludacris, “Tell me again, can we be lovers and friends?”

Let’s be honest the only person we as women and men can honestly be lovers and friends with is a potential husband or wife. I’ve tried this game as I’m sure many of you have, and at some point someone gets hurt or their feelings get too involved.

Case and point, a few years ago, I was introduced to a guy through a friend of mine. We started hanging out just to pass by time, we had much in common and what I thought was a cool friendship in the beginning, turned quickly into lovers. After a month of hanging out and just talking, watching movies, getting to know each other, I spent the night and of course one thing led to another. It was addictive at first, at least for him. He told me, he was very surprised and that I was great in bed. It wasn't that I didn’t enjoy it, I just felt like maybe he liked me more than I liked him. Months and months went on and then at some point he told me, he wasn’t worthy to have a woman like me in his life and wasn’t ready for a relationship. I wasn’t hurt or surprised by it though. I told him, I didn’t think we should continue on and that we should just be friends. He asked me, “Are you sure?” I was sure.

lovers

Months later I had a birthday party and invited him as just a friend. He showed up, and during this party he decided to attempt to talk to one of my friend’s sisters. I didn’t pay it any mind at first, until the day after when I got a text from him asking me to ask for her number because he'd lost it. How disgraceful, disrespectful, and disgusting, I thought. He thought I was in the wrong for not giving him her number and I thought he was wrong for attempting to try something with someone I knew personally. Whether we decided to be friends or not, that was wrong on all counts. Did he honestly think that once she found out that he and I had had a sexual relationship in the past, that she would give him the time of day?

Til this day I haven’t spoken to him. So no lovers, no friends, no nothing. The moral of the story you ask? If you think that after you’ve been friends, then lovers, that you can be friends again, you have it all wrong. To make a long story short, it is not smart nor healthy to partake in anything like this. It's definitely a learning experience however, as everything I’ve gone through has been. Usually if we’ve been lovers, I will not be your friend again. I may say "Hello" at a distance, but we will not communicate and I won’t invite you out anywhere with any of my friends. We saw how that played out anyway.

It just is what it is.

-Ms. Nish

Comments

  1. 16 November 15, 11:55pm

    Ok there is a situation similar to yours. I added someone on FB I didn’t know, which I normally don’t do, but I was well , ok fine no harm no fail right? Well…..we hung out a few times. One time no sex but oral. The next time I just gave oral he didn’t because of lady issues. He stated don’t come over again while I’m having lady issues. Well he “owed” me a bottle of wine for my birthday that was two months prior. We had plans for the following…neither one of us hot each other that week. I hit him up like that Sunday and nothing. Monday I hit him up. He finally respond and stated I’ll mail it to you….I was hurt and shock needless to say. I told him I did everything you asked be but have sex. Which I was going to do that weekend. I hit him up somemore …he blocked me on FB and then stated don’t txt him anymore. I have a thing about being ignored and being respected. I know I have to work on that. I felt disrespected , ignored and the list goes on…..what’s your take

  2. 17 November 15, 1:13am

    Dude had some balls on him. Why would he ask you about another woman’s number that you know personally? That’s why he lost the number because he wasn’t supposed to have it in the first place.
    Bran recently posted…30 Week UpdateMy Profile

  3. Mrs. O.
    17 November 15, 5:59pm

    Dear Bran,

    The nerve of him right? Lol! Little did he know she was just making conversation with him, she had a boyfriend of 3 years at the time, and in fact got married a year later to that same boyfriend. So he never even had a chance with her. It was just the principle of it!

  4. Mrs. O.
    17 November 15, 6:40pm

    Dear Missunderstood,

    Let’s start by saying that was a lesson learned. Let’s pick up and move forward. I would like to know how long you knew him though? You should reconsider giving oral sex or having sex at all if you’re not sure about that person or don’t really know that person. Also, never contact a man more than twice, if they are interested, they will contact you! I’d known my friend for well over 6 months before we ever even took it there, and we had mutual friends. So when it this all happened, I didn’t go in expecting anything more than what it was. If you want more for yourself, you have to hold yourself to a higher standard. Try not to put yourself in situations like that anymore, demand dates and courting like you should be treated. If they don’t step up to the plate for just simple dates/courting, then move on before you get hurt or even consider giving/receiving oral sex or having sex at all. Dating is challenging and even more challenging when sex comes into play unfortunately.

    Disclaimer: I am not a professional/expert on relationships. I am simply giving advice that I wish I would’ve had at a younger age with the hope that the next woman can learn some important lessons as well.

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